Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
