Your dad touched me again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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