It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
