none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
