thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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