Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
