I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
