I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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