We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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