yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
