We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I look better un-naked...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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