First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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