Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
