I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
