Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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