and she was petting her beer can
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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