you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
