Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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