Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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