What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
