Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize