:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize