Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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