Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
