just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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