I wish you could order shots online.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
