Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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