If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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