Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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