no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
