i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize