gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
