dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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