My sheets look like a crime scene.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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