Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
