I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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