I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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