she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
