Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
