I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize