did you get engaged???
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
