I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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