whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
