apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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