I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
