Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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