U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
