i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
