if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Randomize
