Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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