the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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