if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
