I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
