I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
