in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
