their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
