Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
