Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Me too!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
