Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize