thus making me awesome and them whores
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
