Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
