She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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