when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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