So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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