Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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