After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
