So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
