did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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