Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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