i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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