i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
