I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
