He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
