i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pooping to opera.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize