i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
