Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
