i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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