Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
