Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
