just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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