Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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