Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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