Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My vagina is very pro this idea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
