Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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